Insanity.

So, I purchased the Insanity workout dvds. It's a 60-day total body makeover, blah blah. It looks reeeally hard. :/ I'm probably going to die the first few weeks, but it's worth it. I'm pretty intimidated but oh well, I'll do the absolute best I can. Today is day one; the Fit Test. It's not necessarily an actual "workout," just to see where my fitness level is. I really shouldn't have laxed last night, but I ate McDonalds (pig) and wanted it out before I weighed myself today. 155.8lbs. Ugh. I'm hoping that by the end of the 60 days, I'll weigh 130. That's reasonable, I think, especially since you can burn up to 1,000 calories a workout, and I have to do a workout 6 out of 7 days in the week. Only 25 pounds. 12 1/2 pounds a month. Seems achievable, right? I'm not really sure what I'm going to do about my diet. I still want to keep it under 500 calories a day, but with such intense workouts (they're REALLY intense), I'm afraid to pass out. I think I'll just eat an hour or so before each workout, then fast the rest of the day. If I do lose 25 pounds in these two upcoming months, then that means I'll only be 15 pounds away from my ultimate goal weight (115 ♥ ). It's so crazy to think about it. I'm SO fucking close. I look back to the days when I was 230 and can't believe I've even made it this far.

Cheers to Ana; you didn't give up on me then, and you're stronger than you've ever been now. Let's make it happen, love..

fever dream

So, the past few days (excluding yesterday) were disasterous. I just ate and ate and ate. I hate how I can never shake off this all-or-nothing mentality. I'll eat one bad thing then think, "fuck it, I already messed up, so why does it matter?" No no no, it does matter! Ugh, my willpower is pathetic. Finally, Sunday night, Ana slapped me in my glutton face and said What the fuck are you doing?! So I promptly took laxatives and shit my guts out for the remainder of the night (fun fun). Then yesterday I water-fasted, mainly because I wanted to weigh myself this morning and make sure I was completely empty. I hadn't weighed myself in about a week; I was way too scared because I know I gained. Anyway, this morning came around and I grew enough balls to step on the scale annnndddd... 155.0lbs. Which was a huge relief. Didn't lose, didn't gain. Well, my lowest was 153, but those two pounds will come right off if I don't decide to fuck it up again.

Khloe and I are still doing our little competition. Her starting weight is 238.5lbs, mine is 155.0lbs. 130lbs and a new outfit, here I come!


In-take for the day:
Lunch- banana yogurt, 80 calories
Dinner- orange sesame chicken SmartOnes, 320 calories
Total: 400 calories

Jayde & Khloe's Race to Goal #1

Khloe and I have decided to start a race to the finish, the finish being our goal weights! My next goal weight is 130lbs; hers is 199lbs. The one who reaches their goal weight first, wins. It'll be a nice, healthy competition (not vicious or sabotaging, lol). We've always helped each other, but now we'll see how well we can do on our own. It'll be a fun little shake-up to our diets, too. We're doing a weigh-in and starting tomorrow. I'm laxing today, so I should be empty for the weigh-in tomorrow. Loser buys the winner a brand new outfit! The outfit is redeemable at any time the winner wants (as long as the funds are there, haha). I'll post the starting weights tomorrow.
xx